Book Reviews

Book Review: The Thousand Dollar Tan Line

VMars Thousand DollarEver year, Eric’s dad and his entire extended family take a trip to the beach. It’s a wonderful, week-long affair that includes nightly home cooked meals, sunburns, and rocking chairs. The house sleeps close to 30 people, and we usually end up at capacity. It’s not a quiet trip, but it is full of love and fun.

I love walking along the beach at sunset, and spending hours lounging in the pool, but if I’m being perfectly honest, my absolute favorite thing to do during beach week is sit on the huge back porch and read or listen to an audio book. The porch faces the ocean, and it’s the perfect place to find a little bit of peace in the afternoon, when most folks are out tanning themselves or building sandcastles.

In preparation for beach week, I read the previous Summer Reading Guides from Modern Mrs. Darcy, as well as various other summer reading recommendation lists through out her site. I can’t recall where I saw the recommendation for The Thousand Dollar Tan Line, but she specifically suggests trying the audio version, as Kristen Bell narrates it.

The Thousand Dollar Tan Line picks up shortly after the events of the 2014 movie. While this is a great continuation of a beloved fictional universe, it is also definitely a stand-alone story, and there’s enough influence from the exposition fairy that you don’t necessarily have to be a fan to enjoy the read.

The novel takes place in Neptune during spring break, so imagery of beaches, bikinis and body shots abound. But the atmosphere of a film noir is unmistakable. Sketchy eye witnesses, hidden agendas, and powerful political forces make the search for two missing girls a difficult, seemingly insurmountable one. The investigation twists and turns at a solid, if expected pace, and the welcome introduction of high powered, morally ambiguous, former-model-turned-hotelier Petra Landros adds a new layer to the already complex and politically charged beach town.

The story is a great mystery, as I said, with suspects, misdirection, and dangers galore. To the “marshmellow” fans out there, this is a welcome addition to the canon. Absolutely true to the heart of the show, the wit, the love, the pessimism with a dash of hope – all of it is there, along with fan favorite characters and a few surprising returns.

Kristen Bell’s narration of the audiobook is a fun way to ease into the new delivery platform. She’s playful in her impersonations of Weevil, Keith, Mac and Wallace. But hearing the narrative from Veronica herself made the transition from silver screen more seamless. Thomas and Graham’s descriptions were so clear and perfect, I could close my eyes and see Dog Beach or Mars Investigation without missing a beat.

I truly loved coming back to Neptune. I know the next installment, Mr. Kiss and Tell, will feel just as familiar, while keeping me on my toes with Thomas’s signature dark mystery and sardonic humor. 5 Stars

Book Reviews

Book Review: The Gunslinger

thegunslingerFor years I spent my summers working for a local theater company, Georgia Shakespeare (may it rest in peace). Aside from the gorgeous repertory productions they put on every year, meeting new people from all over the east coast, lovers of theater trying to make it in the field, was the best thing about the company. One of these folks, a boy with piercing blue eyes who liked to drink too much beer and play Pearl Jam on his acoustic guitar, gave me his copy of The Gunslinger the last night of the season.

I didn’t like westerns much at the time, and after leafing through a few pages, I put it down. But year after year, when I would cull my book collection this one always stayed on the shelves, never quite making it to the donation box.

Then, a few months ago, a famous author and two famous actors sent the internet into a flutter of excitement with three tweets.

gunslinger twitter
Credit: VF

I figured now was as good a time as any to pick up and start again. It was one of the first tolerable days of spring. The nip in the air from our short winter was gone, but it was still fairly cool, even in the sun. I grabbed a long sleeve t-shirt, a decaf coffee, and The Gunslinger, and sat down in a camp chair on our front porch. Eric came out with his phone, ready to read whatever Cracked article would tell him the most about science, when he asked me what I was reading. I told him it was a Stephen King fantasy, and that they were making a movie starring Stringer Bell and “Alright alright alright”. His interest was piqued, but he continued with his Cracked articles.

The next day, I found him on the front porch with my book in hand.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Reading.”

“But I’m reading that.”

“Okay. But I like it.”

“…Do you want to read it together?”

And so, together we read The Gunslinger, mostly on our front porch, mostly drinking a bourbon or a beer, me reading aloud playing with voices. We read about Roland Deschain, his dark history, the town of Tull, Alice. We read about the tragedies of Jake Chambers, the muties, the search for the Dark Tower. And we read about the Man in Black.

This story sucked me in from the start. I don’t know how I wasn’t compelled the first time around, but every time I put this book down I was sad to leave. The world of the Gunslinger is fascinating and familiar, and also completely foreign and inexplicable. Roland is a complicated and mysterious man, his mission simple and yet hard to pin down. His relationship with Jake Chambers – sweet, confused, wise, Jake –  is something that both softens him, and almost derails him from his path.

What is the Dark Tower? Why is Roland drawn to find it? The Gunslinger asks so many questions and gives very few answers. Obviously, we’ll be picking up the second book of the series. 5 Stars

Book Reviews · DNF

DNF: A History of God

I bought this book in 2007, half a year out of school, still trying to impress the boys reading Noam Chomsky and The Economist.

I’ve always found religion, history, and human nature fascinating and full of layers. At 22 years old, with more time on my hands than I knew what to do with, and fresh out of new episodes of Friday Night Lights, I wanted to read books that piqued my interest and enlightened me. Or at least I thought I did.

Non-fiction, even the most highly rated and captivating, has always bored me. I wish it didn’t. I know there is so much to learn from memoirs and academic essays. But the books I’ve found the hardest to push through (with a few exceptions) fall squarely into the non-fiction category.

Unfortunately, this book joins that list. I have picked it up and started from page 1 more times than I can count. In 2007, I thought perhaps I needed more patience, less distractions. I bookmarked page 17 and left it to sit. I picked it up, started over, let it sit. Picked it up, started over, let it sit.

Earlier this year, I picked it up again. Craving some exercise for my brain, begging to be enriched, I thought “Now is the time!”

And I finally, after 9 years, finished chapter 1. As a Jewish person, reading such a detached and historical depiction of the Hebrew tribes was difficult and eye-opening. But the style is still dry and any hint of story telling is still far too academic and impersonal for me.

In a work of non-fiction like this, the detachment is probably for the best. There is no judgement of religion, no qualitative assessments, no clear preference. But I’ve found that those sorts of author-biases are what drive me to continue. So this is obviously just a personal preference, but this book is not for me, and after almost a decade, I’m putting it down for good. 2 Stars

Book Reviews · DNF · Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts III and My First DNF: Beautiful Creatures

Become a Better Writer by Learning to Become a Skilled Reader First

I came across this surprisingly poignant article on reading and writing. The first section, “Skip Sections”, struck a cord with me. The images of the eye-tracking study are particularly familiar, as I am regularly guilty of reading only bolded and bulleted information in long blog/web entries.

Then came the “Quit Altogether” section. I’ll get to that in a moment.

The remainder of the article, which I did actually read in detail, was very smart with helpful tips and inspiring quotes. I’m sure I’ll go back and read it again (see: Nabokov, Vladimir), and perhaps take notes (see: Parrish, Shane). I love the idea of reading material outside of one’s comfort zone, which is partially what this little project of mine is all about. Sure I have some favorites authors in here, but memoirs and essays? Historically, those have not been my bag, baby.

Anyway, I definitely recommend the article, so have at it.

DNF: Beautiful Creatures

I can’t remember the first time I saw the trailer for Beautiful Creatures, but I do remember that I was very excited. Southern Gothic? Check. Supernatural? Check. Decent Acting Talent? Check.

Because the movie was based on a YA novel, and because YA novels are notoriously “easy” reads, I decided to check out the book first. I downloaded a sample chapter onto my Kindle and, within 3 pages, decided not to finish it in that medium.

I thought perhaps listening to it would be better, the reader potentially giving it more depth with his performance. I purchased it through Audible, and listened to about 45 minutes (one commute to work) before deciding that, no, the narrator added nothing.

So I caved and rented the movie the other day, thinking perhaps it would give me more insight, and I could go back to the audiobook afterward. But unfortunately, the plot and dialogue were just too convoluted and stunted, respectively, to warrant any more time. It’s unfortunate, really.

So. I quit altogether. “Reading is meant to be a fun activity. Your brain doesn’t want to slog through something it finds boring.” Or offensive. There’s too much good stuff out there that I haven’t read yet to spend anymore time on something so dreadfully, depressingly boring.

Firstly, I know that I am not Shakespeare, or Faulkner, or Gaiman. I write this little blog for fun, to improve my skills, and if I raise a decent amount of money, I’m happy. So, please know that I am fully self-aware when I give this next criticism.

The writing is bad. Like SO bad. Like O.M.G. bad. The Stereotypes. And Tropes. Are bad.*

The dialogue, the names, everything just smacks of my first attempts at writing short stories in high school. Any southerner, teenager, or black person who reads it should be offended. You have to hide your NYT so your town doesn’t judge you? Everyone still calls the Civil War the War of Northern Aggression or the War Between the States? A mammy magical negro? REALLY?

No thank you. So for the first time in a long time, I Did Not Finish. I highly recommend skipping all iterations of this trashy attempt at cashing in on the Twilight craze.

*Game of Thrones Season 3 Spoilers